Saturday, May 3, 2008

Ted Turner, You Can Take Your Sitcom And...

I have no doubt that I am the only one to notice this, but I deem it totally necessary to point out to the masses. If you have in any way, shape or form watched the NBA Playoffs over the last three years, you have unfortunately experienced something completely unnecessary and, above all else, totally unrelated to sports. Nothing has ever been whored out to the extent of the TBS/TNT sitcom/drama. Whether it be Kevin Bacon's big-titted wife eliciting confessions from common street trash or the modern-day Steve Harvey show, TNT insists on pounding the details of the next flash in the pan comedy bore from the loins of The Southern Donald Trump himself, Ted Turner. Thanks to the merciless marketing bastards responsible for this onslaught, I can't listen to Marv Albert without hearing about how "Very Funny" (which is TBS's ingenious tag line) the latest Bill Engvall Show episode. First off, they must believe that people will choose not to watch a half-assed male hillbilly Rosanne, so they push it like crack on a street corner. Second of all, It must be genius enlisting Marv Albert, seeing as I cannot think of anything but him biting a hooker's ass while he talks non-basketball.

"Very Funny" if your relate to hunting and beating your wife.
p.s. There is no way in hell that this dickhead is America's Favorite Comedian, unless the Great Plains alone is considered America.

Not only do I not give a fuck who Madea is, I don't ever want to hear about how funny the black Martin Short wanna-be is.

It's no secret that I am a Cavaliers fan, and during one of the rare championships that they have, not to mention I, have gotten to witness, I was not allowed to watch the Cavs without hearing about Tyler Perry's House Of Payne. I realize that this is an effort at target marketing, getting the african-american segment, who supposedly loves all things Tyler Perry for some reason, informed on their new sitcom (which is another reason I dont see the Bill Engvall Show taking off thanks to its brilliant placement here). On the other hand, there is no reason that they need to insult the viewers with the every-minute-on-the-minute reminders to clock in to their shitty cable endeavors. That fact single-handedly assured that I would change the channel whenever I would accidentally find my TV on The Closer, The Bill Engvall Show and Tyler Perry's House of Payne. Ted Turner, you should be ashamed of yourself...not to mention your company's failure to recognize talent. I am not a religious man, but I will be praying like hell that Larry The Cable Guy doesn't boob-joke and arab-bash his way into TBS's Summer line-up come next year's playoffs.

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