Wednesday, June 11, 2008

If I were to name my penis after a professional athlete...

This post is kind of strange but the type of shit me and my friends talk about.  This post is just a continuation of a conversation I actually had.  So if I were to name my dick after professional athletes these are some possible choices as well as explanations.

Magic Johnson- because it keeps getting fatter as I get older and it is filled with AIDS. Also, note the pun with the word "johnson."

Ryan Leaf- It has a lot of natural talent, but it doesn't have the head to play the game at the highest level.  

Cedric Benson- It peaked in college and now has alcohol problems.  

Big Brown- It's good for 2 out of 3 and is also descriptive of physical appearance.  

A-ROD- It looks pretty and can put up some big numbers, but can't perform in big spots. Rod is also a pun.  

Usaine Bolt-I get it done at world record speeds and the race lasts about 9 seconds.  

Jim Brown- Because it's militant and is looking for a career in show business.  

John Mackey- because it can't remember much of its career.  

Dick Butkus- This one is just outrageous.  Dick is an obvious choice.  Butkus sounds like butt kiss which is a joke on itself.  And it's also mean with a little bit of a mustache.  

Dwayne Wade- The girls like it, but its overrated.  

Mean Joe Greene- It's mean, big and green because of an STD.  

Kerry Wood- Its reputation is based off a performance from 10 years ago.  Wood is also a bit of a pun.  

That's all for now, but try and think of some of your own.  This may become a regular segment on the blog. 


LeRoy "Bumpy" Willis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LeRoy "Bumpy" Willis said...

Ricky Henderson: It's old, black, and keeps trying to get in the game even though nobody wants him.

Bill Buckner: Isn't that bad but will always be remembered for one epic failure.

Ronnie Brown: Could be really good if used properly for once.

Andrew Golota: Always bleeding

Rev. Woodrow Morris said...

Jeremy Giambi - It's ravaged by steroids, mediocre at best and whenever he "cums" up it's immediately followed with, "Yeah, but his brother is better."

Dr. Gerald Porter said...

William Perry - First comsidered a physical specimen, now just a running joke.

Coach Pops Chambers said...

Buster Douglas - Journeyman career, but will always be remembered for that one night in Tokyo.

Dr. Gerald Porter said...

Wendel Clark - You'll never remember him unless mentioned in an obscure reference, but once you recall the name it invokes that of an above-average crowd favorite.

I added the Wendel Clark wikipedia page in case anyone needed a refresher:

Rev. Woodrow Morris said...

Gheorghe Muresan - Terrible for it's size and did wonders for Billy Crystal's career.

Dr. Gerald Porter said...

this one was said by my friend Marty last night; It needs to be written-
Chuck Bednarek: Single handedly ended Frank Gifford's career.

Rev. Woodrow Morris said...

I thought that was Kathy Lee. Ironically, that's also the name of Bernard Washington's pussy.

Michael the Mean Commenter said...

Ben Wallace: Has an afro.